How I Found My Southern Zen

I didn’t learn to love silence until I was well into my 40’s, and even then, it took a city to teach me. I moved to Charleston for a change, for some space and peace. It eventually gave me both….though not immediately.

Because you see friends, when I moved here I was already a raging alcoholic.

Note the word rage.

It wasn’t just the emotionally volatile behaviour I exhibited when I consumed alcohol. It was all the rage I was given as a child turned inward. The alcohol once provided me the sweet release I craved, however, without me noticing, it had turned into the very fuel that kept my anger burning.

You see, I learned I had to dim my light at a very tender age, in order for others to feel comfortable with themselves.

I’ve spent years dimming my light, drinking and shrinking myself down to nothing but a shell filled with pain, shame, confusion and fear. A paralyzing fear that dictated every physical move, every thought, and every decision I would make for the rest of my life. Until now.

I had to move away from Kentucky in order to distance myself from ongoing family chaos.

My goal moving here was to become professionally trained as a Pastry Chef. I was mistaken in the notion that switching from being a late night line cook to an early morning baker would help me drink less.

It didn’t.

Between my work schedule and my drinking schedule, my life had become noisy and chaotic on its own. I knew things couldn’t go on the way they were, but I could not imagine my life without alcohol.

When I was an active drunk I loved working in F&B, I thought I loved all the people, the noise and the afterparties that came with being in this industry. I was addicted to the hustle of it all. But it wasn’t me. It was never me.

The alcohol made it all bearable. The alcohol and all the parties would silence the noise in my head, but only for a short while. Alcohol worked well for me for a very long time….until it stopped working all together.

I was completely unaware of how much my nervous system craved calm, peace and quiet.

Being raised in a big family, my household was loud and unpredictable, and my nervous system was wired for fight or flight always. I frequently would go off by myself, seeking out the quiet in nature. I would bring along a book to read and write…I used to write poems, letters, stories and plays all while trying to escape the chaos and noise.

I forgot that about myself. I forgot a lot of things about myself.

These past few years have been like coming out of a dark fog. Not just any fog…this was a straight up San Francisco style fog rolling in from the Pacific Ocean!

It was heavy, dense and chilling. And I never thought it would end.

It did end and the fog began to fade, layer by layer.

Even though I was sick with my dis-ease when I first moved here in 2013, unbeknownst to me, the greatest healing chapter of my life began.

Charleston, this Holy City began healing me in waves….

There is a slower, softer pace here that captured me from the very beginning. Charleston taught me how to slow down and how to become present…in mind, body and spirit. The salt-kissed ocean air intermingled with sweet southern jasmine is intoxicating. Dreamy.

They remind me of my dreams and I remember now. I remember it in my bones. It’s my home. I’ve returned to a place I’ve always known. I’ve come home to Charleston and I’ve come home to myself.

At first I thought I had to find some stillness in order to maintain my recovery.

But it was in the recovering that I began to remember. I remembered the stillness and quiet places I used to seek out as a child.

I recovered who I was…before my light was dimmed.

Charleston helped me find that place of peace and contentment I’ve been searching for.

Today, that looks like a home, studio space, lifestyle and career that are the embodiment of southern charm and southern zen in thoughtful and intentional ways.

I studied journalism and always carry a natural curiosity when exploring Charleston, I am drawn to places that are off the beaten path and have a unique vibe. After spending years of my life in noisy restaurant kitchens I seek out the types of places that help me slow down and enjoy the moment.

That’s what you’ll get from me here.

A curated list of the people and places in Charleston that you should know about.

Blue Bicycle Books is just one of those places. My niece Megan who lived here first was the one who introduced me to this Charleston gem. It’s an independent bookstore with a labyrinth style layout. Each nook has its own theme and invites you to stop and sit, grab a book and start reading! They also have some amazing first editions available for collectors.

Another place I like to wander around in Charleston is the Artist & Craftsman Supply store in the Uptown. It’s located in an old church with several floors for exploring your inner creative. Lastly, the Harbinger Bakery & Cafe offers a cozy and laid back vibe. They have a great menu and their space is conducive to working remotely for several hours. They have exposed brick walls and beautiful plants on display that lend to its warm and inviting vibe.

If you check any of these places out please let me know what you think!

Peace out, friends.
—Ann